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Stuck in a rut? Here’s the real reason why you’re not getting that new job (or new relationship)

by | 25 May, 2015

You want to leave your current job. You feel like you have given it your all. You are exhausted, overworked and your passion has disappeared. You are tired of hearing yourself complain and even though you have started looking for a new job, nothing is happening. Why, why, why?

Surely being fed up is supposed to be great motivator to getting a new job? You would think so, but often our frustration turns to resentment which saps our energy and we end up not taking action towards our real wishes.

When fed up, most people focus on everything that is wrong in their job/organisation and how they are not getting what they deserve. And although it might seem counter-intuitive, this focus is keeping you tied to your current employer.

When I first tell my clients this, they stare at me with disbelief and raised eyebrows. But I always know a breakthrough is about to happen for them.

When you are angry and frustrated with your current employer, it is often because you have given more than you have received. The balance of exchange is out of whack and and you feel like you are owed something. This blocks you from attracting new offers and opportunities.

So while you think you are applying for new jobs, really you are waiting for your current employer to give you something that will address that balance. You are invested because of all you have given through the years. But the truth is: If you haven’t received it by now, you probably never will.

And to be honest most of my clients don’t even know they are waiting for anything, let alone specifically what it is they are waiting for. Because rationally it doesn’t make any sense.

But we all know what happens when we go on a date with a man or woman who is still angry at their ex. They are not attractive. They are clearly not ready to move on and you will definitely not want a second date with them.

The same is true when it comes to jobs. Although you will only say polite things at your interview about your current employer, your frustration will show as an undercurrent. Because 93% of human communication is non-verbal. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it – your tone, pace, body language etc.

When what we think and feel doesn’t match what we say, people will notice that and because of the lack of alignment, we appear less trustworthy and attractive. And the new company will not know why they don’t want you for a second round, but it will be clear to them that you are not the right match.

So what do you do?

There is a powerful exercise you can do straight away to get unstuck.

Step 1:

Write a list of all the things you have gained and learned in your current job. Think back in time all the way to when you started and go through the months and years. Hopefully this step is easy, but even if it isn’t, think about everything you have learned from managing tough times, what you have learned about what not to do as a boss etc.

Once you are done with the list. Read through it and take a moment to digest it.

Step 2:

This next step is incredibly powerful. Do NOT skip this step.

Sit down somewhere you are comfortable. Put another chair across from you to represent your current employer. Sit across from “your employer” and tell them the following words. You can have your eyes open or closed – whatever works for you. Say:

“We have had ups and downs through the years. At times it was fun, at times it was rough. I want you to know, that what I have given, I have given willingly. And you may keep what is useful to you. At times I wanted more from you, but I now realise that I have I gained and learned a lot. And I will take what is useful and leave the rest with you. Please wish me all the best as I now choose a new path. Thank you.”

Speak the words slowly and with lots of breath. Notice how you feel afterwards.

What you are doing by speaking these words is breaking the bond of waiting to be repaid. You accept the exchange that has been there and through that acceptance your break the stuckness and are free to go.

Step 3:

If the resentment or frustration pops back take out your list of things you have gained and learned, see what you can add. Then repeat the sentences from step 2.

This process also works great if you have any residual emotions towards and ex-partners and relationships. Give it a go and let me know by commenting below or feel free to email me directly.

And of course if you want any additional support to move forward, just let me know and we can organise a complimentary consultation.


Step forward with courage and confidence without sacrificing who you are or what you believe in

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