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[EP 9] Do you know the difference between taking it personally and being emotionally invested?

by | 25 Jun, 2019

“Even if someone shoots you – it’s not personal.” This sentence has stayed with me since I first heard it on my ipod listening to an audio book called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz back in 2010.

I have probably chewed this sentence over in my head 100s of times. Really? It isn’t personal if someone shoots me?! The example is so strong. The provocation so challenging. And that’s why it works.

This episode is about the critical difference between taking something personal and being emotionally invested. Knowing the difference will save you a lot of frustration and pain and Ruiz’s statement is the key to understanding this concept.

Key points from the episode:
– When we get triggered, when something feels personal, we tend to go on the defensive or on the attack. And then it becomes about us. And we miss out valuable information in a situation.

– The defence- or attack-instinct is from the reptilian brain which has as its primary function to save our life. It wants to save energy and does so by simplifying things for us. Great if faced with a pre-historic tiger, less useful (in fact potentially damaging) if faced with a difficult co-worker/boss/client.

– It’s a great thing for you to care deeply about your work – but at the same time it’s important to remember that other people’s response has more to do with them than you.

– Get into a state of curiosity – get curious about your own strong response – there is a nugget of wisdom and learning there – something to work on, so that this spot in you will be less sore in the future and you will be able to respond more productively.

– What you have to work on as a person and as a leader are usually connected. Which is also why you might want both a therapist and a coach, or a coach who can do therapeutic interventions.

For more information about Noomi Melchior Natan and Leadership Behind the Scenes go to


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